Oh Trauma

 

Why the Broken was So Special

My heart broke a few times yesterday

No, don’t apologize

Would you be the person you are

If your heart was never broken

If your view of life and

Who you are vs who you thought you were

Weren’t thrown out the window

Like his belongings after a bad breakup

And jumped on and pissed on and burned

My heart mended a little bit yesterday

Look the stitches are still there

It’s still raw and hurts to breathe

I’m still raw inside and cry a lot

I spent it alone, as of course I would

Who I am vs who I will always be

I picked up what was left on the ground

Including my favorite dress that just needed

A little hemming around the cuffs

I had a little time yesterday

Just to walk around with a coffee

In my hand and the warm wind

Blowing the fall sun in my face

Warm and cool at the same time

It’s been months since I just stood there

Remembered how it was before the heart broke

Knew when I held her body for the last time

I buried who we were in the backyard

I moved on to new things yesterday

Said this is what I want for new days

Like today, and say tomorrow will be different

My best friend is gone, and my new friends

And I have learned to forgive in moments

We helped pack up what we moved across town

Apologized for the glass and nick knacks

We threw on the floor and broke

And held our hands as we told each other

Why what was broken was so special

Two Cats Screaming

There are two cats. Who?
Run this joint.
 
This cat will pour you-
Cream in soup bowls.
 
Delicious. That cat will serve biscuits,
With fish sauce. Nip on the side-
 
Won’t lick their paws in the kitchen;
No hairballs in front of the guests.
 
Can’t find pest control on the payroll
Part of union breaks by the dumpster;
 
Midnight, across the empty lot,
Two cats scream in terror:
 
“Keep dousing the fire,”
“It’s her favorite restaurant.”

True

 

My Mind

 
A crowded emergency room experience in a Nova Scotian hospital pre-2020
 
This nurse took my spectacles:
Put in an I.V.
 
That nurse took my blouse and jeans.
Put me in a Johnny shirt.
 
Said this will give me more time.
I asked a question...
 
Another nurse took my blood.
The answer is not in my blood.
 
See?
My mind is Ok. 
 
People pass as shadows and murmurs.
I want to see their beauty,
But must be hidden in ugly words
 
See?
My mind is ok
 
I hear: “She should be dead.”
I hear: “And have the right to choose.”
I hear: “Waste of food, wasted food.”
 
You see
Baby, my mind. 
 
My mind holds the memories:
I toss a balloon to my grandchild,
We are young and able.
 
My mind is…
Ok.
 
I hear a nurse: “her eyes are sunk so deep.”
My eyes? Where are all the mirrors?
I hear my daughter: “She needs her own room.”
 
Don't worry.
My mind is waiting
In a room of ugly words.
 
 
Tears fall from my mind.
I see…
I see…
 
I remember the day I couldn't get out of bed on my own.
I stopped worrying about being pretty enough.
I hear my daughter, a baby in her arms: “my mom needs her own room.”
 
I hear: my daughter weep.
I hear: the arrival of food.
I hear: “waste.”
 
And my daughter weep.
See, my daughter,
Is not ok with this.
 
“Bring me apple juice, I like apple juice.”
I want,
I still want…
 
My mind
Is.
 
Rest assured,
She doesn’t know
Wait, what is happening.
 
Oh, she was with us
There for a moment.
How was she yesterday?
 
I hear my daughter: She needs her own room.
I say: “Don't worry.”
I do though.
 
Because my mind
Is Ok.
 
I wait; in the promise of more time.
In a crowd. My heart beating
Blood through my ears.
 
Can I have my own room
You know?
My mind is ok.

My Execution

… and on the day of my execution

 I will wear a white pants suit 

… and you will witness each
Drop of blood, as it stains

Every bit of independence
Your sovereign

Stole
From me

Cotton Candy Clouds

 

Seeds of Sanctuary

 Seeds of Sanctuary

Ascending creaky steps

Is a mouse with sticky fur

She bites a bit of soft wind:

Her nose starts to shiver.

 

Whiskers sigh and speak

Of sadness, her sanctuary,

Stale and sleepy from age

Slighted by snow and time,

 

But not neglect.

She unwraps herself:

From scarf and mittens

She leaves a smouldering fire

 

To toss her seeds

Down splintering steps

Watching them scatter

Across barren floors

 

Each kernel a small invitation

Of hope; a sign to her friends

Of new “Love and warmth.”

Love sprouts, warmer than embers

 

She believes, as mice do

That next year winter won’t

Descend upon the sanctuary

And leave her alone another year.